To me, the printer is a medium. I use that word in a way that people who believe it’s possible to communicate with ghosts do. The printer in a means by which we can connect the material to the metaphysical. Information which only exists in digital form–a specific pattern of magnetized bits–can be made tangible via the printer. And despite everyone claiming that they want to live in a paperless world, the preference for paper media over digital for varying personal and/or practical reasons renders the printer a critical component to our collection of electronic devices.
So surely a device of such importance would be built well, with a reliable OS and hardware, built by trustworthy vendors.
Yet for anyone who’s ever used one of these machines, we know this to not be the case. Apart from the general user-end experience, when it seems invariably impossible to print something when it’s absolutely critical that that document be printed, printers are plagued by a number of more nefarious problems. Offhand, I can think of a few that have popped up over the years: proprietary ink cartridges embedded with chips to prevent the use of 3rd-party replacements, chipped cartridges coded with expiration dates that prevent their use after a specified date regardless the level of remaining ink, printers which cache all print jobs in non-volatile and unencrypted drives, printers with closed-source software containing obsolete encryption libraries…and so on. In short–printers are evil devices used only out of necessity, and this necessity is exploited by manufacturers.
Now for my personal story.
I needed a printer (see above). My laundry list included separate color ink cartridges and network operability, and after reading reviews I decided upon the Canon MP640.
The device came with two NICs–ethernet and wireless, and from day one I had trouble with the ethernet. The wireless worked okay, but I’d rather of used the ethernet for the usual list of reasons. But the ethernet NIC was IP-sticky, seemingly ignoring NAT assignments and demanding that it be given .1–which was a problem because .1 was the router’s IP. So the wireless was used instead, but years later I wanted to explore the wired again. I disabled wireless and plugged in the ethernet. Then, for whatever reason, I became distracted with other things and never got around to fighting the printer.
Then, a few days ago, I noticed the main network switch downstairs furiously blinking. Every connected port’s corresponding status light was flashing simultaneously…as was the living room’s, and the center room’s. That didn’t seem right, obviously.
But the switches are unmanaged and data wasn’t passing through the edgerouter which does DPI, so I couldn’t readily deduce the problem. Still, everything had connectivity, so I let the problem go. But there was an obvious lag, so I had to figure it out.
So in the dark hours of the night, which is when I do this sort of work, I began my super-technical investigation by systematically unplugging cables until the flashy lights stopped. As this is a residential network, it didn’t take long to narrow down: the guest room cable. This jack is connected to an older router, which is acting as a non-NAT access point. Wireless devices jump on and off as they roam, but I had also plugged the printer into it. Recalling my past troubles, I unplugged it and the network instantly fell back into its normal patterns.
I’ve debated getting a new printer, but then I considered the work Xeroxes–multi-thousand dollar machines with regular servicing, and even those won’t cooperate with the network on a regular basis.
I don’t know why these machines won’t play nice. Maybe one day, when my consciousness has been entirely converted into a digital signature, I’ll no longer have need for a printer. For now, I suppose I’ll just have to grin and bear it.
–Simon